Learning from Motherly Love

In preparation to read The Giver, we recently dissected George Ella Lyons' poem "Where I'm From." After analyzing some the imagery, we started work on our own poems. While modeling and sharing one of my drafts with the kids, I paid homage to my parents with these lines:

I am from Joe and Karen,

from the man who could say it all with the look and a woman who turned an impressive shade of crimson while counting to three.

Kids shared connections about their own parents and we all laughed while talking about how these memories influence who we are as individuals. After the discussion, I was thinking a lot about where I am in my life and my career. Some say it's scary when you start becoming your parents, but I would respectively disagree. This moment of clarity gave me the chance to step back to reflect on the five most important lessons that I have learned from one of the best teachers I know: my mom

(5) Nothing replaces being a good listener: If you have met me and my mother, then you know that I inherited her gift of gab. Yet, as I think back on some of my toughest years in school (ironically seventh grade ranks right up there), I realize that my mom was always there, not to talk, just to listen. Through the good and the bad days, she would sit at the island while I did my homework and just listen. Now, whenever I'm in the middle of a difficult conversation with a kid, I stop and think back to those afternoons at the island and remind myself that before I work towards a solution, I have to first completely understand where my student is coming from. And while that isn't always easy in the often irrational world of seventh graders, it's completely impossible if I'm not good at listening to begin with. 

(4) We should all "care more about the effort grade": My mom and dad have always been proud of me and always encouraged me to just try my absolute best and take risks. We now live in a world where kids are constantly being over-scheduled and their individuality is being under-valued. My parents taught me the value of your personal best and that is something that I strive to instill in my students. Because ultimately, we should be encouraging kids to figure out what it looks like when they - as individuals - give everything they have to something that matters to them.  

(3) It's ok to be angry: I often joke with my students that when they get "the look" from me, that is my dad. When my face gets a little red and the volume spikes up a little bit, that is my mom. Ultimately my mom's occasional frustration with us (for the record, it was usually my sisters who gave her the red face) comes from a place of love and high expectations. That's what I remember when trying to get a "you're better than this" vibe to a class during sixth or seventh period on a Friday afternoon. In fact, I contend that a teacher who doesn't occasionally express frustration to his or her students either (a) doesn't have high enough expectations or (b) isn't completely honest with his or her students. 

My mom's before and after photos. I'm so proud of her.

(2) Set Goals: And, no I'm not talking about data-driven, contrived "SMART goals" that some people think have a better chance of "saving" education than actually giving teacher time to genuinely collaborate with each other and develop meaningful connections with kids. I'm talking about goals of true, sincere passion and commitment, the kinds of goals that can truly change your life. As a child I watched my mother battle obesity until she finally said enough. Right around the time I was entering high school, my mom started Weight Watchers and - by my junior year - she had lost 80 pounds. To this day she not only maintains the weight loss, but she inspires and supports others by working at Weight Watchers. But she doesn't even stop there. She's ran in 5ks and a half-marathon through the Magic Kingdom. I'm pretty sure that - if provoked - she could beat me up. 

Of course we couldn't do a normal mother-son dance!

(1) Laugh at yourself: If you can't do this, don't even attempt teaching. Our work is messy. We make mistakes; we are human. But after all is said and done, the power to laugh at yourself is not only a necessary survival tool, but a vital component of learning and growing. Grit is the new buzz word in education and I think if we truly want kids to develop this inherent perseverance, we first have to teach them how to make mistakes, laugh and learn from them. If laughing at yourself was a course of study, my mom would have her Ph.D. Just watching the way she laughs and learns has always encouraged me to put myself out there, take risks and not worry about what others think. She has been a lifelong model of self-improvement and personal growth. 

So thank you, Mum. You have not only impacted my life but provided me with the tools to impact the lives of the seventh graders I have the privilege of working with every day. 

And thank you to all of the mom's out there who serve as a constant reminder that sometimes the most effective teachers don't have classrooms or lesson plans, they just listen and let their actions do the talking (even though my mom still chooses to talk a lot, too). 

Happy Mother's Day!